It seems I am getting blood transfusions every week. Although I am going through a lot, I never stopped to think how hard this is on my support group. I would like to give them a HUGH THANKS. I could not make it through these days without them.

Well, I am worn out, chemo taken its toll today. Thank you to everyone who reads my rambling. It truly does mean a lot as well. And, to all the cancer patients and support groups (Big and Small), GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

Let's face it; everyone's life is in the hands of god. No matter what god your religion takes you to. I can fight but in the end it is what he wants.

Looking at their pictures and what I am going through makes me cry. That is what hurts the most.

I have to stop now. Have a great day everyone.

Songs I Listen To:

Keith Anderson "I Still Miss You"

I hope this is all worth it. I have a lot of faith in my new doctor. This is a very sad day for me. Most people will not understand the impact losing your hair causes. I guess it is bad for me because I know it is the result of my chemo, something I can't control.

I guess I can look at it like its just hair, it will grow back. Easier said than done.

I spoke to one man who has given up. We talked and I shared with him I was in the same place he was at one time. This is a time you really need GREAT friends and close family to get through. I asked him, why? Giving up is what takes people away.

I saw him again at my next treatment; he was in a different place. He was fighting. I was happy. He asked me what my dream was. I told him, my dream IS to entertain, I love to sing. Songs have really got me through this. Music that I get to share with my friends and family.

In the future, I want to write a song about this experience. I want to sing about hope and not giving up. I never really cared much if the song would be #1. I just cared to have a song that is heard.

I love Reba McEntire, Bryan White, Kenny Chesney and I could go on and on. Their music is what I turn to during my chemo. They have songs so many people can relate to but, I want a song for my situation.

That is my dream.

God Bless Everyone and your families.

I having trouble finding a lawyer to review my case. I cannot seem to let that go. I am still angry that I have to endure another year or so of this poison in my body. That is what chemo is. I did my resume posted it started getting calls and now I cannot even take a job. I am very angry at my last doctor.

I am starting to feel sick. I hope to write more soon.

God bless to all who have given me words of advice and encouragement. Thank you.

I am not hungry as much. I am getting 6-8 hours of treatment a day. Very tired right now. Just started my IV meds. Got to go for now. I will try to post an update later.

Thank you to all who have responded. Kind words go a very long way.

I am going to try to make as many entries as I can. My chemo starts on Monday and I still have so many topics and events to write about.

Thank you everyone. It really means a lot.

Richard

I blame all this on my old cancer doctor. Had he kept me on the chemo schedule like I should have been I feel I wouldn't be going through this. Trying to find a good lawyer is hard. I have been turned down by two already. I guess this doctor is going to get away with his negligence. I start new chemo on Monday and won't have the strength to fight.

I went to get my results from my new doctor. It wasn't good news. My cancer was never gone, in fact my lymp-noes were starting to grow back and my markers increased even more. I broke down into tears. I was so angry. I had job interviews lined up and I was so ready to get back to work. I told him everything my old doctor had told me. "Everything was ok", "No need to worry", "You can go back to work". And "It's only scar tissue that is increasing your markers."

He looked at me and said "This is how it's going to go." A doctor that is going to take charge of my medical condition. It turns out everything that was told to me was a bunch of crap. I was not ok in any sense of the word.

My new doctor laid out a plan for me and looked me in the eyes and said, "Unless you are dead, your stick to this plan and if you do, we will get you better." Wow, I had a plan, I felt so relieved to hear that there is actually a course I will be following.

The thing that bothered me the most is testicular cancer is curable. And the fact that I should be in remission hit me hard. Had I stayed on the right schedule the chemo I had spent a year taking should have worked. The schedule is designed that way. I informed my doctor that I had a lot of breaks in my treatment. It doesn't work that way.

What did I do next?

I welcome everyone to give me feedback. Thank you to everyone for their input. I have lost family to Cancer, I am not going to lose myself to it.

At the same time he was telling me my cancer markers were increasing and ordered me a full CT scan and more lab work. I asked him how he felt I could go back to work if my markers were increasing and your ordering me more tests.

He told me again I had nothing to be concerned about and it appears to be scar tissue that was raising my markers. My body still did not feel right. I felt something was wrong. As I continued with my follow up with this doctor he started talking about further chemo I would have to have. I again told him I didn't understand how he could say I can go back to work and in the same breath talk to me about further chemo. I got no answer.

Here is the breakdown so everyone will understand. My last chemo cycle was in March. I went to my follow up appointment in April at which time I was informed my marker was high. I completed more lab work and went to another appointment in May. In May, I was told my cancer marker had increased. Again, "Nothing is worng", "no need to be worried", "you can start working." Great, I can go back to work. During that same appointment I was told, "I am sending you for more labs","I am ordering you a full CT." Then what I had thought was coming, "The next chemo you will be getting is going to be stronger."

I was so mad and frustrated, I have been feeling so weak,sick and tired, I knew something wasn't right.

I finally found the right place to go. Cancer Care here in Fresno, CA. Great people there who really care. I cannot say enough good things about them. I started seeing a new doctor there. He sent me for retests.

I wasn't to happy about all the retests I had to do. Then, the results came back.

I am sorry if everything I type is out of order. I am thinking as I type. This issue wwith my old doctor just angers me to no end.

The results from Cancer Care to follow.

I never would have imagined my life turning out like this. I never thought I would be at risk for cancer. After all, I don't smoke or anything else that would have put me at risk for cancer. I guess you never know what life has in store for you.

I have been using a heating pad and hot rice bag to try and ease the pain. I even went as far as to take hot showers. As hot as I could stand it. Nothing seems to help. I have been giving everyone around me an attitude. I don't mean anything by it, I can't help it. I find myself saying sorry more these days that actually talking to my friends and family. They say they understand, that doesn't make it right.

I recently got a second opinion on my cancer status. It wasn't good news. I will go into that later. I still wake up each day knowing I will live to see another. No one or nothing will stand in my way fighting this. I have put myself in a position that, what the doctor says, goes. I use the internet to follow up for myself.

Well, The pain is to much right now. I have to walk think of something.