My Life With Cancer

My friend asked me what was on my mind. I started thinking if anything were to happen to me I would miss my nephews and niece growing up. I do not have any kids of my own. They are my life. Always make me laugh. I would hope they would know their uncle.

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I had my friend shave my hair off today. It has been falling out for the last couple of days. Faster than usual. It was getting everywhere. I am so sad to lose my hair again. I looked forward to going to the hair salon, getting it cut. It would have been nice.

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For the past week I have been losing my hair. I expected it. I speak to a lot of other cancer patients in the infusion room. We share our stories with one another. I have been fighting this since October 2007. Nothing surprises me much about my treatment or the after treatment conditions I go through.

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Today I go see my doctor. I hope I get good news regarding my first week of treatment. The pain is somewhat gone but the sickness still remains. I guess I should expect that. My legs are cramping so bad I have to use a heating pad to keep them warm. I had trouble with blood clots before, I hope that is not the issues again.

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I just finished my first week of chemo yesterday. I don't feel so good right now. Not too sure how much more of this I will take. I am always sick, can't eat, using the restroom and not hungry. My legs are cramping so bad mainly at night I stay up all hours and cannot get much sleep. During the day I feel like crap and still cannot sleep.

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Today is my second day of treatment. I am warn out and very tired. I am up at all hours of the night and cannot get confrontable from all the pain I am still having.

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I would like to make this entry to all those who have taken the time to comment on my entries. Thank you so much. All of you are so kind in providing me words of encouragement and giving great advice for me to follow up on. I am scared that this cancer is going to kill me. I am scared to die. I will not try to hide that fact. When I open my page and see all the great and wonderful responses, it keeps me going.

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Well, I had to give in and go to the emergency room. The pain was just too much. I spent the last three days in and out of the hospital. I needed to do something for pain control. My cancer doctor was out of the office and I couldn't wait. The pain is now spreading from my left side to the right. I get no sleep at night. One doctor had the nerve to call me a pain medication addict. I was so pissed. I told her, you go through this and tell me if you wouldn't want it controlled somehow. She made me mad. I told her to look at my chart and see how many time I turned down the medication for the specified time because the dose was still working and I didn't need the new medication.

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When I met with my new doctor at Cancer Care he was great. He presented my whole history from last year went over my labs and gave me the understanding of what was taking place with my care. He ordered me to redo all the tests I have done so he would have a fresh start with my care. He didn't understand the paperwork my old doctor sent over, I told him I can relate that is what I have been going through for the past year. He looked at me and said "This is why I am ordering my tests." That was so great.

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I plan on laying my whole battle with cancer out for the public. Every issue I have faced over the past year. Every issue I am facing as I move ahead. I do not wish to offend anyone or make it appear like I am the only one going through these issues. Writing about my issues with this has made me feel open and it helps me rest a little better.

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